


Bro Dads

by scribe-tuesday (Leofuller)



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 14:26:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leofuller/pseuds/scribe-tuesday
Summary: Bros are for life





	1. Emma

**Author's Note:**

> From the following post I made on tumblr back in September:
> 
> Stopped on the way home from work to buy diesel, and there were two bros fuelling their car when I pulled in.
> 
> Tank tops, tattoos, caps on backwards, dangerously low-slung sweatpants. You know. Bros.
> 
> After I filled my car, I went to the supermarket just up the street, and as I rounded the corner from milk to meat, there they were again.
> 
> So I looked in their trolley, because I love watching stereotypes shop. I was anticipating burgers and beer, but instead they had a selection of those tiny yogurts for very small children.
> 
> Which is NOT what I was expecting.

Badger’s phone rings at one o’clock in the morning. It's a number he doesn't recognise, but he's answering those at the moment.

“Simon?”

It's Lauren. Of course.

“Yeah, I'm here.”

“She's here, Simon. They keep talking about adoption, I don't know what to do.”

“Where are you, babe?” He's getting stuck on  _ she's here. _ “Is the baby…?”

“She's perfect, Simon! And if you want her you have to come because they keep saying…”

She sounds distressed, which is totally what you'd expect given she's apparently just given birth and her dad’s trying to make her give the baby away.

“Where are you? Can you give me the address?”

Lauren reads him the address of whatever fancy private clinic her dad's hidden her in.

“Can you hang on a sec, I don't want to get it wrong.” This is a bad time to be dyslexic, he needs to have this postcode in the right order.

“Hurry, I snuck out to the phone in the office.”

“I'm on it.” Badger rolls out of bed and goes into the spare room to kick Crispy awake. Crispy can spell.

 

*

 

Crispy can also drive, and he's not about to let Badger go all the way across the country in the middle of the night on his own to see his newborn daughter. It’s Friday night (or Saturday morning) and neither of them has to be in work.

“We’ll take my car.”

“Okay, let's go!”

“Badge. Get dressed first, yeah?”

 

They get to the clinic at half past seven in the morning. Crispy made them stop a couple of times so nobody fell asleep at the wheel, and also because by half five he was gagging for a McDonald's breakfast and no mad dash across the country is going to get between Crispy and a breakfast wrap meal. Badger probably feels better for it too, although he's not going to say so.

“Fuck.” Badger gets out of the car and stares at the building. “It's well posh. They're never going to let us in there.”

“What do you mean?” Crispy stretches and his back makes a series of weird crunching noises.

“If I go in there, looking like I haven't slept, asking for Lauren, they're going to take one look at me and throw me out. I'm not the sort of bloke they want in there.”

“We can just walk in.” Crispy goes round to the back of the car and opens the boot. “Easy.”

“How?”

“We'll pretend to be plumbers.” Crispy grabs his tool bag and a spare length of plastic piping left over from another job. “Workmen get in everywhere.”

“We  _ are  _ plumbers.” 

“Should be easy then.” Crispy hands the piping to Badger and shuts and locks the car. “Come on.”

 

They’re walking along a corridor, checking the names on all the doors, when they get caught.

“Can I help you gentlemen?”

He’s a security guard, and guys like Badger and Crispy only get called  _ gentlemen _ when they’re in trouble.

“Uh, we were just looking for…”

_ “There _ you are!” A nurse appears at the other end of the corridor. “It’s all right, Pete, they’re here to sort out that blocked sink in the staff room.”

“Oh.” Pete relaxes. “Right you are then, guys.” He nods at them and continues on down the corridor. Badger and Crispy look at the nurse to see what’s going to happen next.

“Come on then.” She waits for the security guard to turn the corner. “You here for Lauren?”

Badger nods.

“Follow me, then.” She sets off in the direction she’d come from, and they follow. “And are you actually plumbers?”  

“Uh, yes.” Crispy answers because Badger’s still looking around like Lauren’s going to pop up from somewhere.

“Fabulous.” She takes a left turn and they trail after. “Because we do actually have a blocked sink.”

“Is Lauren okay?” Badger rushes his steps to catch up with the nurse, and she smiles. 

“She’s doing great. Her father’s been a bit full-on, but I caught her sneaking out to make a call in the wee hours and she told me that Daddy was on the way.” She smiles at Badger, and he looks like somebody just smacked him over the head with the word  _ Daddy. _

Oh, god, Badger’s a dad.

“Okay, so, I’ll take…” she pauses, so Badger can tell her his name. He misses the cue.

“Badger.” Crispy supplies. “Uh. Simon.”

She grins. “I’ll take Simon into see Lauren, and then we can pop up to the staff room, you can take a look at that sink and I’ll put the kettle on. How does that sound?”

That sounds amazing.

 

There's another nurse in Lauren’s room and she doesn't look pleased to see them, at first, until Lauren lights up at the sight of Badger and the first nurse explains that Crispy is going to fix the sink in the staff room. It seems to be the sink that swings it.

“Just how bad is this sink, then?” Crispy has to step it up to keep up with her once they've left Badger with Lauren. “Because you all seem pretty happy to let me just walk in off the street…”

“Oh, you know what it's like.” She turns right at the end of the corridor, then immediately right again and up a small flight of stairs. “They spend whatever on keeping the patients’ facilities nice, but nobody cares about the staff room. The taps work but the drain doesn't and it smells bad.” She pushes open a door to a freezing cold room containing another grumpy nurse and the kind of smell that Crispy’s all too familiar with.

“Hi!” He addresses the grumpy nurse before she can protest at his appearance. “My name's Chris, I'm here to look at your sink!”

If he thought they were pleased to see him before, that's nothing to how they treat him once he's diagnosed the problem and replaced the elbow joint. He buys them in multi packs, he's usually got a few kicking about in the bottom of his tool bag, and they're acting like he's saved the day. Not that he's going to complain, as the first nurse (who's finally remembered to introduce herself as Jenny) is making good on the promised cup of tea, and the grumpy one (Cath, less grumpy now the water’s rinsing the smell away) has gone off to the kitchens to persuade them to send up a bacon roll.

“What about Badger?” It occurs to Crispy that Badger could probably do with a cuppa too.

“Mary-Beth will sort him out.” Jenny passes him a mug, strong and sweet. “He’ll get the new dad treatment.”

“Badger’s a  _ dad!” _ It doesn't sound any less mad when he says it out loud.

“Was it a surprise?” Jenny sits next to him on the battered but comfortable settee.

“Nah. Well, it was, but like six months ago. Like, he knew. He's done the antenatal shit.”

Lauren’s well out of Badger’s league. She's smart, and her dad's dripping with money, and god knows what she was doing dating Badger in the first place. They'd pretty much decided that it wasn't working when she got pregnant, but then she was so scared of her dad’s reaction that she stuck with Badger for the support.

Not that her dad would hurt her or nothing, but Lauren hid the pregnancy until it was too late for him to pressure her into getting rid of it, and then a few weeks ago she went to visit them and disappeared. It's only because she'd learnt Badger’s mobile number by heart that she managed to call him a couple of times to say they'd taken her phone away and they were taking her to some private clinic to get the baby adopted.

That's Badger’s kid. Badger’s not letting some posh bloke decide to give his kid away. If Lauren can't keep it, Badger will.

So Lauren rang him in the middle of the night to come and get his baby and the whole thing’s just mad.

“Mr Delaney suggested that the father wasn't involved.”

Crispy snorts. “Yeah, bollocks he wasn't. He wants that kid.”

Jenny puts her mug down slowly. “So the adoption…?”

“Ain't happening outside Lauren's dad’s head. Badger ain't signing his kid away.”

“We can't do the birth certificate until Monday anyway, when the registry office opens.” Jenny picks her tea up again. “And Mr Delaney has no legal right to get the baby adopted. We can stall it now that we know what's going on.”

“Now we know what’s going on? What's going on?” Cath comes in with a plate that smells like the best thing ever, handing it right over.

“Lauren's baby isn't being adopted. The dad's in there now and he's keeping her.”

Cath smiles. “Good. Once you've eaten, do you want to go and-” she turns to Crispy as she speaks and stops when she sees him already putting the last bite of the bacon buttie into his mouth. “O-kay... Now that you've eaten, do you want to go and see your friends?”

 

Badger’s sitting in the armchair next to Lauren’s bed, holding a little blanket bundle.

“Hi!” He’s pitching his voice soft and it's just the weirdest thing. “Crispy, come and meet her!”

Lauren smiles at him from the bed. “Thanks for driving him up.”

“Course.” What else was he going to do? Badger's his mate.

Badger's daughter is asleep. She's a bit red and crumpled and not really cute at all, but she's wearing this pink fleece hat that's way too big for her and Badger's clearly head over heels.

“What's her name?”

Badger and Lauren look at each other, like they're sharing a joke.

“Lauren wanted to call her Hermione, like from Harry Potter-”

“But Badger can't spell it-”

“So we're calling her Emma.”

“Hi, Emma.” Crispy waves down at her and feels a bit silly. Badger smiles down at the baby with this gooey look on his face. Emma opens her eyes, and Crispy has to smile because just for a moment her unfocused stare makes her look  _ exactly _ like Badger does when he’s drunk.

“Hey.” Badger carefully brushes her face with one finger. “You going to say hi to Uncle Crispy?”

  
  


Lauren’s dad goes apeshit when he finds Badger sitting there holding Emma, although of course he does it in a posh middle class way. Crispy’s dad would have sworn and thrown stuff, but Lauren’s dad says a lot of things, using a lot of long words and saying stuff like  _ disappointed _ and  _ best for the child _ .

What’s best for the child is for her to be with a parent who loves her, of course.

And actually, Crispy’s dad would never have gone apeshit in the first place because Crispy’s dad would  _ love _ to be a Grandpa.

 

It doesn’t matter, though, because Lauren’s dad can huff and puff as much as he likes and he can try to bully Lauren but he can’t bully Badger because Badger doesn’t give a shit what Lauren’s dad thinks. Maybe Lauren might be scared of the thought of bringing a baby up with not much money but that’s just normal for the people Badger knows.

Emma’s Badger’s baby, and he’s keeping her.

 

It’s June, and Lauren finished her year at university (and why she was with Badger long enough to get pregnant is still a mystery) so there’s nowhere they can tell her that she has to be. So she’s going to come back to Badger’s place with Emma, and they’re going to figure it out.

 

Crispy leaves Badger with his girls, and drives all the way home. He has to stop at a services and have a kip in the car.

When he gets back to Badger’s place and lets himself in with the key Badger gave him ages ago, he crashes out for another hour or so and then he rallies the troops.

Babies need a lot of stuff.

Badger’s mum gets on the internet, and makes Badger’s brother drive out to some guy’s house to get a moses basket that was going on Freecycle. Jake doesn’t look impressed when he’s bringing it into the house, but he cheers up a bit when Crispy shows him the photos of Emma he took on his phone.

“I’m an uncle...” He sounds like he doesn’t know what’s hit him, and Crispy feels it.

Walshy brings over a car seat that his kid’s grown out of, and a whole pile of tiny onesies. He also tells Crispy that he can have Monday off. Badger’s got two weeks paternity leave anyway.

Then Crispy has to go to ASDA with Badger’s mum and nan, which is a bit strange even with all the other strange things this weekend, and push a trolley up and down the baby aisles while they load it with nappies and bottles and all sorts of other stuff. He’s just there for the lifting, Badger’s nan pays for it.

 

Sunday morning he sleeps in, then he puts the bedding that they washed yesterday into the baby’s basket and packs his shit. Crispy’s going to have to go back to his mum’s, if Lauren’s moving in, especially as she and Badger aren’t, like, together any more. Badger won’t have a spare room any more.

First thing Monday he changes the sheets for Lauren, then puts the car seat and a bag of baby stuff in the car, and drives off to get them.

 

They don’t have to register Emma right away, they’ve got a couple of weeks, so rather than waste time they want to take her straight home.

Lauren’s mum turns up in their Range Rover while they’re getting ready to leave. She must have spent Sunday hitting the shops because she’s got a ton of brand new baby clothes, some of it too big for now because she’s not stupid, and the softest toy rabbit Crispy’s ever seen.

Badger takes it off him.

“That’s for Emma.”

Lauren’s mum didn’t want her to keep Emma, but since she is, she’s gone full Grandma. Crispy’s kind of glad for Badger’s sake that she won’t be local. Lauren cries anyway.

Crispy takes them home.


	2. Rose

“Hey, Crispy, did you hear this?”

“What?” Crispy sticks his head out of the kitchen where he’s been sorting out a bottle for Emma. Lauren’s going back to university in a couple of weeks - she managed to pass her first year exams despite everything else that was going on - and they’ve been trying to get Emma onto bottles for when Lauren’s not there to feed her in person.

Emma’s not impressed.

“Somebody found an abandoned baby down the bus station.” Badger nods at the radio, like that’s a useful thing to look at. “How could anybody do that? Just leave a tiny baby. Think how tiny Emma was when she was born.”

Emma flails an arm and smacks him in the face.

“Ouch. Thank you, missy.”

“The mum must be ill.” They always say that, don’t they, that they need the mum to come forwards because they’re worried about her, that she’s not in any trouble. “Did they say when it was born?”

“They think last night.” Badger swings Emma into the air and looks up at her. “Is Uncle Crispy taking too long with that bottle? Is he?”

“That’s because Daddy interrupted me.” Crispy informs her. “One bottle, coming up.”

And they don’t think about the abandoned baby again for three hours and fourteen minutes.

 

*

 

Lauren's home, and she's taken Emma upstairs to try to get her to sleep because she's been getting proper grumpy. Emma, that is, not Lauren, although Lauren's a bit grouchy too because Emma decided not to sleep last night and kept waking them up.

Lauren and Emma moved into Badger's room within about a week of getting her home. They're not properly back together, but it's just easier for Badger to take his turns getting up in the night if they're all in the same room, and Lauren likes a cuddle when she's feeling rough.

Crispy was seeing some girl, but they split up, and now he's back in the spare room as often as not. He does his share of dirty nappies, so whatever.

Crispy’s folding a load of laundry that Badger just dumped on him. Badger's trying to get the kitchen to look less like a war zone, and when he emptied the drier at least some of that stuff looks like Crispy’s, so he might as well help.

The doorbell goes when Badger's sterilising bottles, but he can hear that Crispy’s got it anyway.

“Fucking hell!”

Badger drops the bottle back in the sink and goes to see what's happened.

 

Crispy’s bringing Stacy Jenkins into the house. They're not exactly friends, but everybody knows Stacy. She's that sort of girl. 

“I didn't know.” She's saying. She looks awful, really pale. “Crispy. I didn't.”

“Didn't know what?” Crispy doesn't sound like he's really listening, he's too busy trying to get his feet into his shoes without letting go of her.

“What's up?”

Crispy turns round when Badger speaks. “Fuck, Badge, we've got to go to hospital.”

As he's turned, Badger can see more of Stacy. She's a mess, hair all over, hoodie that needs a wash (also it's way too hot for a hoodie) and

“Holy shit!”

There's a massive dark patch on the front of her leggings that's got to be blood.

“Get her in the car.” Badger shoves his own shoes on. “I'll just tell Lauren and I'll drive you.”

“I didn't know…” Stacy doesn't look she's got a clue what's going on, and Badger has no idea why she'd come looking for Crispy in this kind of state.

 

The radio comes on as he starts the engine.

_...headlines again. A newborn baby has been found abandoned- _

Badger turns it off, looking over his shoulder to reverse and catching Crispy’s eye as he turns.

Crispy stares at him in horror, and Badger puts the pieces together.

“Oh, shit.”

 

Badger pulls up right by the doors at A&E and yells for some help. There’s somebody there by the time Crispy’s got Stacy out of the car, and they rush her off to wherever. Crispy goes in after her, and Badger has to move the car.

 

Crispy's sitting in the waiting room looking shaky when Badger finds him.

“Is she the mum?”

Crispy nods. “They think so. They said it was a…” He frowns. “Big bleed after giving birth. They're admitting her. She's definitely given birth, and there's Stacy with no baby and that baby with no mum, so…”

“Is… is it…” Stacy came looking for Crispy, right? “Is it yours?”

Crispy pulls this weird face and sort of shrugs. “I mean, I guess it could be?”

“It's August.” Badger counts backwards on his fingers. “July, June, May, April, March, February, January, December…?”

“Mitch's birthday?”

“Oh, yeah.” Badger hadn't gone out that night. It was just after Lauren found out she was pregnant with Emma, and they'd been staying in a lot.

Just because Crispy slept with Stacy around the right time doesn't mean the baby's his, though. Knowing Stacy.

 

“She said that she didn't know who the dad was.” Badger explains to Lauren as he's putting some stuff in a bag for Crispy. “There were a couple of blokes, apparently.”

“But now she thinks it's Crispy's?”

“She said that she knows it is now, because the other guys were black and the baby's white.”

Lauren's face says it all.

Most girls don't like Stacy. Badger's probably the only guy from his lot at school that hasn't slept with her, and that's mostly because he played football with her brother. He had the opportunity, it’s just that Carl would have pasted him.

“How's Crispy?”

“I think he's in shock. They said they need to do DNA tests, for Stacy as well because the baby was abandoned so they have to be sure it's hers, but they said they'd let him see the baby.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“It's a little girl.”

They share a slightly soppy look that Badger won't ever admit to, thinking about Emma, and then Lauren jumps into action.

“I'll get some of the stuff Emma's grown out of, you can take that in as well.” She pauses. “Will Crispy get to see the baby after, when Stacy's out of hospital?”

Badger puts the bag he's packing down on Crispy's bed.

“They took Stacy's other kids off her. She's a mess. If the tests show that it's Crispy's, he'll probably get custody if he wants.”

 

Badger drives back to the hospital with a couple of bags.

 

Crispy's in the special care baby unit, sitting next to a clear plastic crib. The baby's asleep, and there are tubes everywhere.

“It looks worse than it is.” He glances up when Badger comes in and then turns his attention back to the baby. “They said she's a fighter. She's on fluids and a bit of oxygen but they're expecting she won't need it for long. Just waiting to see if she caught something in the-” He stops and clears his throat. “In the bus station.”

Badger looks down at the baby. She's so tiny, compared to Emma, and he just doesn't  _ get _ how Stacy could have left her.

“Do you want something to eat?”

Crispy shakes his head.

“When do you find out if…?”

_ If she's yours _ .

“Tomorrow.” Crispy reaches into the cot and strokes the baby's hand. “But I'm sure she's mine.”

“I brought you some stuff in.” Badger nods at the bags and looks around for another chair. “Change of clothes, toothbrush, charger and that for you, and some of Emma's tiny things for…”

The baby doesn't even have a name yet.

She's got a social worker, and no name.

 

The test results come back. Stacy and Crispy get a daughter, and Rose Amelia Pagett gets a name. Crispy’s name.

Stacy says she’s not going to fight for custody. “I didn’t get the boys, I won’t get her.” She doesn’t sound that bothered, just resigned. “I don’t do drugs no more but they wouldn’t let me have the boys back and they’re not going to let me keep her when I tried to…”

Even Stacy doesn’t want to say out loud that she left her baby in a bus station where she could have died.

“Least if she’s with Crispy I’ll know she’s doing good, and I can see her sometimes.”

 

Crispy’s mum isn’t dealing that well with a sudden granddaughter. One minute she’s hearing about an abandoned baby on the news, and next thing she’s sitting in the neonatal ward up at the General. Badger reckons that she thinks she’s going to end up bringing Rose up, if she’s not careful.

“Are you sure about this, Chris?” It’s always weird to hear people use Crispy’s name. Even Badger’s mum calls him Crispy. “It’s not easy, bringing a baby up on your own.”

Crispy tears his eyes away from where his dad’s walking Rose up and down the room, talking to her very serious and very quiet.

“I’m not doing it on my own, though, am I? I’ve got Badger.”

Crispy’s mum looks at Badger, and he nods. 

“We’ve got all the baby stuff already.”

Crispy’s mum starts to laugh. “I don’t believe you two sometimes. You’re sitting there with exactly the same nod-shrug thing you used to do when you came over after school and Chris asked if you wanted to stay to tea. You always have done everything together.”


	3. Mummy

Mum and Dad used to come and see them one weekend a month, when Emma was tiny. They’d stay in a hotel, because even if they would have been comfortable staying in Badger’s house, there just wasn’t room with three adults and a baby.

Lauren and Badger had never really had a conversation about Crispy moving in. Lauren reckons that Badger and  _ Crispy _ never had a conversation about Crispy moving in, it just sort of happened. In those first few months when Lauren was stumbling around in a sleep deprived haze, an extra pairs of capable hands to change nappies and entertain Emma while Lauren took a nap was worth way more than the hassle of actually asking her not-quite-boyfriend whether his best mate actually properly lived with them or not.

It wasn’t until after Rosie that post for  _ Mr Christopher Pagett  _ started turning up, anyway, and by then it was just obvious that Crispy was supposed to be there.

Then they’d got three adults and two babies in the house, and the next time Mum and Dad came over Dad just pulled this face when he thought she wasn’t looking.

It’s not what he wanted for his little girl, Lauren knows that. But it’s what he got, and it’s not like he doesn’t love Emma to pieces.

On Saturday morning, Dad pulls that face when he thinks she’s not looking. On Saturday afternoon, Lauren catches him doing the washing up.

On Sunday morning, Lauren gets back from going to Mothercare with Badger, just the two of them, no babies, so romantic, and Mum catches them as they come in the front door.

“Sssh.” She puts a finger to her lips, Emma held securely in her other arm, and jerks her head towards the living room. “Don’t disturb them.”

Lauren sneaks over to the doorway and peers into the room while Badger takes the shopping through to the kitchen. Crispy’s passed out on the sofa, completely conked out after being up and down all night with Rosie. Dad’s in the recliner armchair, Rosie cuddled up on his chest, and he looks half asleep himself as he lets her keep his fingers prisoner.

 

That’s the turning point.

 

Emma starts walking, and Rosie starts walking, they both start talking and they’re starting to all drive each other nuts with three adults and two toddlers in the house. Badger and Crispy are both working full time, Lauren’s trying to get her degree.

Dad decides that he wants to invest in some property in the area. He finds a run-down four bed house in the catchment area for one of the better schools, and of course Badger and Crispy know every plasterer and electrician in the area to help get it up to scratch for cheap.

The rent he charges them is just enough for the mortgage payments, and there’s enough space to get the girls into a bedroom together so they don’t have to share with their parents any more. 

They don’t really discuss it, but the smallest bedroom becomes Lauren’s study where she can shut herself away with her law books, and she and Badger keep sharing a bed.

 

Crispy’s dad takes the girls on Mondays when he doesn’t work, they’re at nursery Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and Lauren doesn’t have any classes on Fridays.

Sometimes she takes the girls to soft play with Rosie’s grandmother. Stacy Jenkins didn’t stick around, she met some guy and moved up to Manchester, but her mum wants to be in Rosie’s life. Judy’s got absolutely nothing in common with Lauren’s family at all and Lauren’s mum is fascinated by her, like she’s some kind of documentary on Channel 4.

They’ve got four grandmothers - Lauren’s mum is Grandma, Badger’s mum is Nan. Crispy’s mum is Nanna Cath, and Stacey’s mum is Nanna Judy.

Lauren’s dad is Grandad. Crispy’s dad is Grandpa. Badger’s dad is in Australia and Stacey’s dad is in Wandsworth prison. Two grandfathers is enough, though, and Dad and John get on brilliantly like they’ve been friends for life despite Dad being the senior finance manager of an international wine merchants and John being a postman.

Lauren comes from the kind of background where a family is a mother and a father, married to one another, and their biological or legally adopted children. Childcare is something you purchase.

Badger comes from the kind of background where most people can’t afford to pay for childminders or nursery fees over what the government pays for, where you make do with what you’ve got, and where family is the people who love you.

 

*

 

On Saturdays, they go to the supermarket.

After one too many of the bad days, when they couldn’t find a trolley with a double seat to get both girls in (they’re like gold dust. Badger reacts to finding one with the same level of joy he usually reserves for when Spurs beat Arsenal) they’ve finally got a system that works. 

Lauren and Crispy write a list at home. They all go to the supermarket. One of them sits in the cafe with the girls, and the other two do the shop without having to chase down daughters, settle tantrums or sneak things back out of the trolley when the girls try to sneak things in.

Today it’s Lauren’s turn to sit and drink a cup of tea while the girls do colouring and the boys try to beat their previous best time for getting the shopping done. One of the best things about having two girls so close in age is that on a good day like today they’ll entertain each other and Lauren can just get her phone out and catch up on social media.

The timer app on her phone is at thirty-four minutes - nine minutes over their personal best - when Badger and Crispy appear in the cafe. They’ve taken the bags out to the car already, because it’s easier that way. They look like exactly the kind of guys that Lauren’s parents always warned her to avoid. Neither of them’s wearing a jacket even though it’s October. Crispy’s got his hat on backwards. Badger’s joggers are so low slung that they look like they’re going to fall off.

“Got stuck behind the chattiest bloke on the planet.” Badger leans in to kiss her. “Probably doesn’t get to talk to anybody else all day. The checkout lady was trying to get him to leave, that’s how bad it was.”

“Daddy, look!” Emma tries to show him her picture.

“In a minute, baby.” Badger glances over anyway. “That’s clever.” He turns back to Lauren. “Have we still got those vouchers?”

Free tea or coffee when you buy a slice of cake. Lauren digs the vouchers out of her purse.

Emma clearly feels that her picture has not been sufficiently admired. “Look, Daddy!” She shoves it at Crispy instead and he at least is paying attention.

“Did you do this?” She’s nodding. “All by yourself? Wow.”

They tried, they did, to have  _ Mummy, Daddy _ and  _ Uncle Crispy _ for Emma and  _ Daddy, Auntie Lauren _ and  _ Uncle Badger _ for Rosie. (Nobody even thought to try  _ Uncle Chris _ or  _ Uncle Simon.) _ Both of the guys answer automatically to  _ Daddy _ , though, and both girls find that easier to say at this point. Lauren always turns round no matter which of the girls calls  _ Mummy. _ It’s less hassle to just go with  _ Mummy, Daddy _ and  _ no, other Daddy _ at the moment. Maybe they’ll try again when the girls are older.


End file.
